The brilliant, albeit brief, science-fiction career of Sir Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley is a two-time NBA MVP (well, they *did* rook him out of it that one year), a Hall of Famer, an Emmy winner, a future governor of Alabama and/or general manager of the Atlanta Hawks, and the greatest interview subject of all-time – but Buck Bokai loves his acting the best of all.

A brief look at the short-yet-inspiring science-fiction career of the coolest man in existence, Charles Barkley.

Barrrrrrrrrrkley iiiin Spaaaaaaaaaace! Barkley wouldn’t be able to utter that famous line “Ah, Houston, we have a problem” until 1999 when he suffered an egregious just-about-career-ending injury while playing with the Rockets, but he did get to play at joining the Apollo 13 crew in this incessantly-played McDonald’s promotion.

Time to slam. Sir Charles got perhaps his meatiest role – playing himself, naturally – in Space Jam, the Greatest Film of the 1990s as Deemed by Buck Bokai (and the maker of the following brilliant YouTube). It wasn’t a dream, it was real!

Barkley and his agent demanded received second billing in the credits behind M.J., though it should be noted that the again incredible Bill Murray* gets an uncredited assist here – hell, they probably had Larry go out and shot a couple rounds of golf and improvised the whole damn thing a la Caddyshack.

And while everyone’s favorite soundbite from Charles is “I am not a role model,” Barkley also created a bonafide catch phrase in Space Jam to compete with Arnold the Governator’s “I’ll be back,” namely “Can I play?”

Barkley saves Tokyo. Charles’ star turn had actually come in 1992 and let Buck Bokai tell you, the excitement of a 14-year-old upon seeing this trailer featuring effects from Industrial Light and Magic and starring the two greatest big men, um, players of all-time was leagues beyond palpable.

The “full-length” movie itself was a bit of a letdown at 30 seconds and Barkley apparently defending Tokyo in a one-on-one game wherein winner is first player to 1. Note that, as with the Japanese version of Godzilla vs. King Kong, the ending has been changed. The original tag line for American release was: “The Lakers are looking for a big man.”

Sir Clerk. It should also be mentioned the Charles was a supporting actor – playing himself, naturally – on the utterly insane Clerks: The Animated Series. Perhaps Star Wars references and utter disregard for the spacetime continuum alone do not a sci-fi series make, but this cartoon was definitely bizarre enough to be called otherworldly.

In episode four, which was actually episode one when ABC decided to air this episode after the excellent Super Bowl XXXIV, is entitled “A Dissertation on the American Justice System By People Who Have Never Been Inside A Courtroom, Let Alone Know Anything About the Law, But Have Seen Way To Many Legal Thrillers.” Barkley naturally launches the best line in the episode for Buck Bokai’s purposes when he asks Patrick Ewing, “Are you having another dream about your crappy jumpshot?”

After thusly reviewing Barkley’s contribution to the subgenre of science-fiction sports, Buck Bokai wishes to appeal to the Round Mound of Renowned that he may someday return to the realms of futuristic imagination … c’mon Charles, you’ll like it there: You can achieve weightlessness!

*Buck Bokai’s 36th Law of Disquisition says, “Bill Murray may be an asshole, but he’s on your side.”

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