Posted by Os Davis in comic books, golf | 0 Comments
Review: “Danger on the Martian Links”
The BuckBokai 40th-anniversary retrospective of DC Comics’ “Strange Sports Stories” mini-run appearing in Brave and the Bold issues 45-49 continues. Today: The Brave and the Bold backup story in issue 46, “Danger on the Martin Links,” a nice attempt in the subsubgenre and nearly inspired enough to neutralize the idiocy of “The Hotshot Hoopsters” somewhat, is reviewed.
Whoof. Well, after the debacle that was the Brave and the Bold no. 46 lead story, i.e. “The Hot-Shot Hoopsters,” science-fiction sports fans will be pleased to hear that the backup tale is actually not bad. Not great, mind you, but with a glimmer of interesting material and a glimpse at what might have been.
(Or “what would be,” perhaps – BuckBokai still has high hopes for DC Comics’ “Strange Sports Stories” mini(?)-series of 1973-74, to be read through and reviewed after finishing up the BotB run.)
“Danger on the Martian Links” tells the story of Wale Marner (must be a descendant of Silas), professional interplanetary golfer in the year 2372. In what is one of the “Strange Sports Stories” run’s few truly inspired ideas, golf has become the hardest-core of all sports in terms of necessary skills and physical prowess.
Tiger Woods, Smiger Woods, in the 24th century, pal. Not only do you have to golf a standard 18-hole course, you’ll be doing it in harsh extra-terrestrial atmospheres. You’ll have to evade predatory lifeforms and maintain your envirosuit designed for the harsh environment – and worst of all, no caddies!
Unfortunately, when Marner starts enumerating specific hazards, the science-fiction sports fan knows trouble lies ahead (BuckBokai’s talking about the dramatic liberty-taking here, not the golf course itself): Marner describes swamps on Saturn, Jupiter teeming with life, and a Venus “full of unusual water hazards.”
Now come on! BuckBokai knows we’re talking pulp literature-level stuff here, but still. Mariner 2 revealed the surface temperature of Venus to be around 800°C or so in 1962, for Sputnik’s sake, and we reckoned the gas giants to be just that well before.
In any case, Marner is well-known throughout the solar system for his prowess. He’s Earth-champion, after all! Of course, Marner is a bit of a SNAIG (Sensitive New Age Interplanetary Golfer) and so as they say in German, “Er habe angst.” With shades of Mike Resnick’s amazing “The Olympians,” Marner broods:
Do you suppose that’s how Tiger gets it up for the Ryder Cup or does he just call … o, never mind.
We get depressingly little golfing action after seemingly endless pages of exposition plus the interminable “Hoopsters” hogging much of the space already. In fact, Carmine Infantino & Co. simply fast-forward to Marner finishing off the 14th, five under par, in the lead, and nary a Wignor nest in sight (no, wait, that’s Jupiter).
Heading to the 15th, however, Marner’s “icy nerves are yanked taut” (Doesn’t that kinda hurt?) when he sees what appears to be “a *landing zone* for *space-ships*–!”
Thinking fast, the mind of Marner next comes up with: “Those don’t look like any *space-vessels* I’ve ever seen before! They look *menacing* somehow–!”
You can understand the interplanetary golfer’s confusion to some extent: It turns out that extra-galactics have entered the solar system
Now, with a solar system containing (at least) nine intelligent lifeforms, why did DC go outside the frickin’ Milky Way to find a malevolent invader? BuckBokai’s just thinking aloud here…
Marner goes on to kick ass against the extra-galactics, nailing a small ship Skywalker-style as potentially tens of thousands of real-life floggers golfers punch the air and BuckBokai wants to know where the gorgeous art here was during the excruciating lead story:
The cavalry – no, the Federation – no, the “Planetary Patrol” – saves Marner’s bacon. How cool is the Earth-Champion of interplanetary golf? So cool he thinks, “Well, now that that’s over, maybe I can get on with the game!”
What a golfer!
Next: “The Phantom Prizefighter,” presumably no relation to the invisible baseball team of BotB #45…
*pre-steroids era