Brett Favre might retire, believed to be former Obsidian Order officer

In one of the most nauseating annually repeated stories in recent sports history, mainstream news outlets are once again paying attention to that Elim Garak of the NFL future Hall of Famer Brett Favre and his on-again/off-again talk of retirement. Reports ESPN.com this morning:

Favre has informed the Vikings he will not return to Minnesota for a second season, according to multiple reports.

Favre has sent text messages to teammates saying, “This is it,” league sources told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

Here’s the thing. BuckBokai has figured for years that this whole will-he-won’t-he dance is a charade worthy of Starfleet’s favorite Cardassian tailor. To wit: Brett Favre *simply doesn’t want to go through the grueling workouts of training camp.* That’s it, seriously. Waiting for a decision like this every summer is tantamount to Lebron James’ ballyhooed PR-heavy exit strategy.

Except every year.

And we believe it every year.

BuckBokai’s newest theory: Favre is actually a genetically-altered Cardassian – or at very least an astute follower of Cardassian ethical/moral philosophy. The former Green Bay Packers stud is clearly the proverbial Boy Who Cried Wolf, only he’s putting a distinctly non-Terran spin on the titular character’s actions with all the deftness of an honored Gul.

Start at about 6.53 in this clip to see what BuckBokai means. Very clever, those Cardassians.

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